Confessions

Since I've promised to be more honest about motherhood, I decided to post a few first time mom "confessions."

I'm secretly looking forward to the end of breastfeeding - I know this might strike a nerve with some of you. Before I rant, I will say that I do love breastfeeding because it has been a wonderful bonding experience for me and my daughter. I know there are some of you who cannot have children or who cannot breast feed for some reason and this just makes you want to punch me. But it's true. While I really do love breastfeeding and think it's truly the best nutrition for my daughter, I can't wait for the day when I can have my boobs back. I mean, right now as we speak, I'm 10 minutes away from a feeding and feel like they're going to explode...my breasts, that is. Yes, that's right, it's as if they are they're own separate being now that they belong to someone else. I should name them. No one really tells you how much it hurts at first, or at least they don't describe it to you in detail (probably because no one would do it!). Then once it stops hurting, your world revolves around it. I haven't even gone back to work yet, and that alone is hard enough as it is...then add becoming a milk factory to it?? I know it's all worth it, but in the back of my mind I'm chanting, "Please make it stop!" I will probably post more about this later because breastfeeding could be a blog in a of itself...a quite comical blog I might add. Now that I've exclusively breastfed through my maternity leave, my goal is to keep at it another month, until she's 12 weeks old. However, I reserve the right to quite when I feel is best. Is it bad that one of my main motivators at this point is that it burns an additional 500-900 calories a day? That's really awful isn't it? My pediatrician is of the school of though that whatever keeps mom the sanest (within reason of course!) is best. Well, this is one of those things (for SOME people) that could quickly drive a mother to the brink of insanity.

The first few weeks were extremely rough for me - Now that I think about it, I'm actually lucky that it was only the first few weeks. Some mothers have a rough time for many weeks, and others sink into postpartum depression. Although it probably one of the best days of my life, the day my daughter was born and the couple of weeks following were the most shocking as well. I was prepared for her to rock my world, and I was prepared for everything to change, but no one including yourself can truly prepare you for it. The first night we didn't sleep a wink. Tim said he prayed continuously, "Lord, please let my wife get 20 minutes of sleep." How crazy is that? People put on a happy face when their little bundle of joy arrive, facebook pictures abounding. That's all great, and I did that too....of course we're not going to put pictures of ourselves, tear-stained at 2 am, but it kind of sugar coats things. The truth is, I don't know a new mom out there that hasn't, even if for a split second thought, "Holy crap, what have I done?"

I put her in her crib after 4 days - Yes, it's true. And I will do it again for the next one. We kept her in a little bassinet the first few nights because I thought that's what everyone else did. I was going to have her in our room for 4 to 6 weeks and I just thought any earlier was crazy. Well, after talking to my pediatrician about waking at her every sound, he convinced me that it was just fine to put her in her room. We did and the improvement of the quality of sleep was indescribable. Truly worth it. Although our sleep was in three hour stretches there for a while, at least it was a good three hours! It was really hard at first...I felt like she was going to get lost in her crib, she was so tiny, but like ripping of a baind-aide it didn't hurt for long, and the whole family was better for it!

I don't use my monitor anymore - Gulp, am I a terrible mother? Is it terrible that when I put her down for a nap for for bed and she is crying that I immediately go wash my face or throw in a load of laundry so that I don't hear her? I kind of like my little habit because usually by the time I'm done washing my face, she's done crying. Now, I actually wouldn't recommend this for everyone. We actually have a pretty modest house and her room is right next to ours. I can hear her from every part of the house. Those of you with your child's room on another floor might not feel comfortable with this. I will probably use it more when and if we move into a larger home. However, if you know you child is fed, burped, changed, etc is it really so bad to block it all out for a while?

I'm having an affair with Baby Einstein Videos - If your husband is your helper when he's home from work, then who's going to play the helper when he's not around? Baby Einstein to the rescue. I'll add my disclaimer like I feel like I have to do for every confession - I don't suggest you park your kid in front of the TV all the time. But I'm telling you, there's something magical about these DVDs. How do people know that little babies, cooey voices and puppets will send your child into hypnotic bliss??? Well, I thank whoever invented these glorious things...now I can have some extra me time while she's awake....like to do important things like write this blog, or check facebook, or read Twilight....

Ok, that concludes "Confessions" for today. I think this may have to be a regular feature on my blog. What do you think? Anyone else have any confessions?