A Ha Moments of 2012

I've made it a habit to post New Year's resolutions on this blog, however, I've never written anything about what's I've learned over the past year; in fact, I don't think I think about it as much as I should.  So much can come to pass in the course of a year, and for some reason I've been mulling over my a-ha moments quite a bit these last few days.  I don't want to forget what I've learned.  

It’s ok to not act –  I got a new boss towards the end of the year.  As most of us are, I was nervous about change, but she's actually becoming a really great mentor and someone I'm coming to admire and look up to.  She is really big into stories applied to real life, self reflection exercises, and really anything that will make you think outside the box. So when she gave all her managers a copy of Stengthsfinder, I wasn't surprised (I won't go into what it is exactly, but click on the link to find out more).  She gave us a couple of weeks to read it and take the tests to find out the parts of our personality that act as strengths. The test results give you 5 strengths.  I always enjoy these type of things, and I've done my fair share, but for some reason, this one had an impact on me.  One of my strengths is activator, which basically means that I cannot not act when I see a problem or something that needs to be done.  I guess I always knew I liked to get things done, but I honestly never really realized it was in my very nature which completely changed by perspective about myself.  For example, no one was planning a church Christmas party (granted I realized this in October, but I get in the spirit early, ok!?) so I just started doing it.  I typically will execute things pretty quickly at work because I cannot stand for things to be undone.  So although this is a great source of strength for me and definitely contributes to my ability to be pretty darn productive, it hit me this year that this trait in me can be a huge source of stress.  For example, when I got a vision of what I wanted my undecorated/practically unfurnished playroom to look like, all of a sudden there was this mile-long list of things to do and buy.  Instead of being excited by the idea, I was stressed that is was not done.  The playroom has been in it's current state for almost 3 years, but all of a sudden I was stressed because something was not finished.  Another example, is that I got a wild hair that maybe we might move this year and I went into a frenzy trying to plan our next steps and figure out exactly how we could make it happened and before I knew it, I was stressing over an idea that hadn't even popped into my head until three or four days before!  (Yea, I admit it, I'm nuts!) Later that week, the hubs looked at me, desperately wanting me to be happy and said, "You know we done have to do anything."  All of a sudden, I felt so much better and the stress just melted away.  Yes, there are some thing that are unavoidable, and things will always need to be done, but I don't always have to act on every idea.

Divorce is real –  Unfortunately, I'm getting to the age where divorce is happening to people I know.  Friends.  This year, my best friend in the world got divorced.  It's not my place to tell her story, but I will say that it was completely unexpected.  A year ago, I would not have believed you if you looked into the future and told me what was about to happen.  The reason it was an a-ha moment for me was just that; it was unexpected.  The experience of watching her go through all of this changed my perspective on  divorce and life in general.  It was just a glaring reminder that there are no guarantees and things don't always turn out the way you plan.  I mean, I knew these things, but it just hits close to home when it happens to someone you truly love.

It’s ok to be a working mom – I have thought about writing a post of the differences between working moms and stay-at-home moms, but I can never bring myself to do it.  I probably never will. It's such a sensitive topic, and people get touchy and defensive on either side of the fence.  No, I can only write about my perspective.  I have always struggled with guilt as a mom who works outside the home.  I definitely had moments where I think that life would be so much easier if I stayed home (SAHM - don't hate me, I know this isn't necessarily true!).  The truth is, I'm sure SAHMs have moments where they could escape or have some extra money.  I've thought more than once that I would quit, but either my job changed, or something in me changed.  I'm sure that I will always struggle with guilt or question whether my plight or the choices I make as a mother are right.  However, I had a huge moment of peace that has covered me like a cozy blanket over the last couple of weeks.  One morning as I was loading the kids up to take them to daycare/preschool, my daughter said, "You are such a good worker.  When I grow up, I want to have a computer and work just like you.  I love you Mommy."  These were her exact words!  Heart melted!  I'm sure she had no idea what impact her words were having on me, but in that moment I realized that my kids are great kids.  They are not only doing fine, they are thriving.  In fact, I'm setting a good example for my kids.  What a gift.  

I have a family –  Um, duh?  Yea, I know I have a family. I'm not sure what it was that made me realize this, but over the last year, I've come to accept the fact that I'm in a new phase of life.  Let me explain what I mean.  For so long, I've let the stress of motherhood get overwhelming sometimes.  It's like I'm fighting to get to the hour at the end of the day that is mine.  Now, don't get me wrong, I think everyone needs that hour, especially as a parent (maybe even more than an hour!), but I've caught myself living for that hour.  It was almost like I was trying to fit my life into what it used to be without kids. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and love spending time with them, but I've spent so much time doing, doing, doing rather than just being with them.  My only fun time doesn't have to be after they go to bed.  Family fun is so fun.  It's just a different kind of fun.  This year I want to build more forts.

TV isn’t really that great –  I used to live for TV.  I mean, I seriously used to live for TV.  Sometimes it would be the most exciting part of my day.  But something has shifted this year to where we hardly ever watch it.  Now, please don't get me wrong.  I still love me some Grey's Anatomy, and I am not trying to sound holier than thou.  I think I big part of it was that eating more healthfully (Paleo in particular) became an even bigger priority for me this past year, and I was trying to find more time.  All of a sudden I had a several hours a week when I stopped watching so much TV.  And I didn't even miss it that much.  I will say though that it wasn't cold turkey.  I sort of gradually weaned myself off of it without realizing it.  But every time I turn it on, I realized most of the TV out there is not something I want to be spending my time on anyway.  I have found so much time in the weekly by not turning on the TV.  All of our TV watching is intentional now...the TV is never just on and I can honestly say I am better for it.

I am strong.  In fact, I can probably kick your a**@$%! – Pardon my french, but there's just really no other way to say it.  This year, I didn't something that has changed my life.  Pardon the hackeneyed phrase, but it really had. I started Cross Fit at Faction Strength and Conditioning.  I had known about Cross Fit since I first heard about Paleo over two year ago.  I had always thought about trying it, but this year I took the plunge and have never looked back.  I can't see myself going back to a transition gym with treadmills and ellipticals.  The reason is because this is the longest I've ever consistently exercised in my life.  I have been going to CF 3 to 5 times a week for almost 8 months and am loving every minute of it.  I could have never said that about any gym, any spin class, or any body pump class.  I have become friends with people I would have never crossed paths with otherwise and they have enriched my life.  There is just something special about doing something physically challenging alongside your friends; people who hold health in a high regard like you do.  A year ago I would have never though I'd be doing pull ups, hand stand push ups, swinging a 53 lb kettlebell, or clean and jerking 125 lbs (heck a year ago, I didn't even know what  clean and jerk was!).  I am in the best shape of my life and I'm looking forward to taking my Paleo lifestyle to the next level in the new year.