To work or not to work, that is the question

Hi everyone-

It's been a while!  Lots of changes have been going on in the Conkin household.  The big one, being...I quit my job, and now get to be a full time stay at home mom.  It's something I've thought about doing from day one.  Honestly, I thought once I had kids, I'd be a SAHM from the beginning, but for several reasons it did not end up working out that way.  I've thought about writing about working vs. staying at home, but it's such a touchy subject, and everyone's situation, motivation, and goals are so different.  I can only write from my perspective.

I thought I'd share with you how we came to this decision, and how the switch has been so far.

Some people choose to work, and some people choose to stay at home.  Some people feel they do not have a choice.  For a long time, we felt we did not have a choice based on the kind of lifestyle we wanted to live and our income.  About the time we had our second child, the balancing act became much more difficult, so we started talking more seriously about it.  We weren't sure that it was something we were going to do just yet, but we started trying to plan as best we could for that to be an option.  About a year and a half ago, we started trying as best we could to live on one income which really prepared us to make the change.  I would highly suggest that approach if you are planning on making this transition.

Money is not always the reason why people choose to work or stay at home.  I was proud of what I did.  I was proud that I could support the family if something ever happened to Tim or his job situation. I got satisfaction out of a job well done and getting to spend time with adults working towards the same goal.  There was even a time where I wasn't sure I would quit work even though we were financially stable enough for our standards.  I even accepted a position working from home for my company, hoping that would help balance home/work life, but that wasn't the magic answer.  For us, there just came a point where the benefit of my working was out-weighing the sacrifices we were making as a family.  We try to live life to the fullest in the Conkin household, but meeting those self-imposed standards can be exhausting.  We give our all at work, do Crossfit, spend quality time with the kids, cook healthy meals, are involved in church, and love spending time with friends and family.  However, things were starting to slip like SLEEP, quality time with each other, and quality of life in general.  I really wanted to spend more time with the kids and not have a panic attack every time one of them got sick.   Don't get me wrong; if we didn't feel we could be fiscally responsible, something else would have given.  But luckily, we were abel to take the plunge.

So how is life different so far?

I'm getting at least 8 hours of sleep each night.  I don't feel like I'm hurrying my children from one activity to the next (or at least not nearly to the extent that I was....my children are no different from yours; no sense of urgency!).  I'm able to relax and enjoy watching my kids play pirates and princesses or teach them the alphabet and American History.  I'm able to find the time to write in this blog.  I'm able to get all those little projects done around the house that were constantly being put on the back burner.  It's actually amazing how quickly the days are going by.  My husband is getting more sleep and is on a better schedule.  He's able to spend more quality time with the kids because I've already taken care of things around the house that he was previously doing.  I think it feels less like "second shift" for him when he comes home.

In hindsight, I'm glad I had the experience of working and raising kids at the same time.  It's incredibly challenging, and it's given me a very unique perspective.  There are many stay at home moms who have no idea what it's like to try and balance it all.  That's ok, but I will NEVER tell a working mom that I "don't have time" to do something, or, "I'm so tired," or "I'm so busy."  Everything is relative, but I'm definitely aware of my audience in that area.

My choice isn't the right choice for everyone.  And if you were like me a couple of years ago, you might be thinking "Well it must be nice!"  I totally get that.  However, it took us a long time to get here.  Also, I think that for MOST people it takes substantial planning to lose an income.


So that's what's been going on with us.  I'm hoping to check in more often so I can have a record of what our family has been up to...but hopefully I won't forget what brought us here.....the importance of balance.