To the Mom of a Kindergartener who is not reading on a 5th grade level

"Comparison is the death of joy." ~ Mark Twain

"Little Johnny just started kindergarten and is already reading on a 6th grade level!!!! I'm SOOOO stinking' proud."  Updates like that are precisely part of the reason I'm on a Facebook diet.  Call me terrible.  Call me sensitive.  Call me heartless, but I'm not happy for little Johnny.  I WANT to be happy for you, but I'm a woman, and by nature, I'm not only comparing my mothering skills to yours, but I'm also comparing my kid to your kid.  Not healthy.  You never see updates like this "My kindergartener just dreads reading time!"  Or "My little Jane is struggling with her sight words!"  So this post is dedicated to those of you who may have an emerging reader who is NOT at the top of his or her class.  Know that you are not a lone and it will probably be alright.

I'm getting back in the swing of blogging.  I'm blogging about what's going on my my life.  Well, reading is permeating our lives right now.  Although Kindergarten is pretty laid back her in the good ole state of Colorado (my kindergartner only goes half days) it is the year where kids start learning to read.  They participate in read-a-thons and start learning sight words.  Progress for each little learner is all over the map.  All those nights you spent reading to you little baby starts coming to fruition.  However the process of learning to read hasn't exactly been magical for us.  The road has been bumpy. I thought I'd share some of our struggles and solutions to maybe a) validate others who might be having a similar experience and/or b) help another parent who is fresh our of ideas.


Oh how I wish she'd curl up in her room and read for sheer enjoyment.  But this is not the case.  Yet.   Because she is so competitive, she compares herself with other kids who are "better" at reading than she is.  This discourages her and stifles a lot of the motivation to want to read (in other words, there's no use trying if so-and-so is already better).  I know this competitive spirit could be used for good in her life, but in this case it's made loving to read a challenge.

She actually dreads reading aloud sometimes.  We have done everything possible to foster a love of reading in our home.  We've read to her almost daily from the time she was born.  We have a huge variety of books in her room.  Both my husband and I read on a regular basis.  But for whatever reason, our little kindergartener isn't dying to read.

So here are some of the things we've done to power through this important milestone.

I got off Facebook and got on the phone with my mom.

In other words, instead of comparing myself and my kid to other moms and kids, I called some people I trusted to ask their opinion.  My mom is a librarian.  Hello!?  Who could better to be my sounding board that my mother, my kid's grandmother and a elementary librarian?  My mom has acted as my therapist and my sounding board throughout my tenure as a mom so far, and this is no exception.  She's given me some great ideas.  My sister-in-law is also an elementary school teacher, and had some good ideas for me as well.   By not playing the comparison game I was actually able to get some ideas that actually work and enrich my relationships with those people in the process.

I stopped worrying.

SO much easier said than done.  As a mom, you're supposed to be your kid's advocate.  You are supposed to worry about them.  However the advice I've gotten than spans multiple topics and problems that WORKS is consistent:  Don't worry.  In most situations, the problem will work itself out.  A new friend of mine is an elementary school teacher and her advice was just that.  According to her, kids' reading skills are all over the place at this age, and they all catch up to each other by second grade.  I took a lot of comfort in this and have decided to cast my worries aside.

I am channeling my inner patience goddess

If you know me, you know that patience is not my strong suit.  Not so good when your'e trying to teach you child a skill (don't even get me started on riding a bike or knitting!).  But this has most definitely been an exercise in patience for me.  Skills aren't developed overnight.  I know this is certainly the case for me, and I have to remind myself that it's definitely the case for her.

I am doing the thing

Consistency seems to be the theme for 2015.  30 day detox diets aren't the key to changes in body composition.  I'm not doing to be able to snatch 130 lbs if I don't consistently develop my skills.  My spiritual life is not going to be satisfying unless I'm fostering it daily.  Same thing applies here.  She is not going to be an excellent reader overnight.  It's going to take patience, consistency, and a little bit of work every single day.

So there you have it.  I know these solutions aren't rocket science or breaking news, but they are working for me.  I'm holding fast to these mantras and incorporating some daily habits on our quest to love and master reading.  My mom told me to take advantage of her competitive spirit and make it a game with rewards.  So thanks to Martha Stewart, we have Baily the Bookworm in our living room.  (to build her yourself click HERE).  It's working quite nicely.  We still read every night.  Following the advice of my trusted advisors, we let her choose the books she feels motivated to read (even if they are "easy" or ones she's read over and over).  We let her see us reading for enjoyment.  We encourage her daily.

Turns out, I had nothing to worry about.  We had our first parent-teacher-conference, and she's right on track.  She may not be reading at a 6th grade level, but she's right where she needs to be.  And if I'd let that nasty little man named comparison get in our way, we'd have missed the glee on her face when she pronounces a difficult word.  We would have missed the opportunity to see her "teaching" her brother to read.   I would have stressed instead of cherishing the fact that I am this incredible child's mom and I get to teach her to read! Instead, I've kicked comparison out of my house and am choosing the joy in her process.